aaronapplepie™

having a tumblr isn’t a good idea, or well at least me having one.

it gives me a chance to talk shit about stuff i should keep to myself.

it honestly gets me in trouble, you know? whatever.

this is all some bullshiiiiiit.

Turns out my mom is okay. Her doctor prescribed her too much medications and the side-effects were irritating her pancreas. The doctor she met up in NorCal for a check-up said that she should stop using it because it was the cause of the irritationg, and when she stopped, she took another blood test a week later and her blood pressure dropped dramatically - in the good range. So yeah. I’m so relieved my mom’s okay. She said it scared her too because pancreatic cancer is incurable, and that’s what Vanessa’s dad had.

R.I.P - Enrique Garrido

I’m kind of scared for the rest of the year. 2009 hasn’t started the way I wanted it to; because lately it’s just been shit. I don’t know, I’m probably only saying that because I’ve had a really bad day today.

I think it all started in fourth period when the grades were handed out. I just realized up until now that I really need to get my head and priorities in check. My grades? All i can say is I have a 2.3 GPA. Everytime grades come out, I promise myself I’m going to do something - but then I always fail to follow through. I’ve been getting really lazy ever since I’ve been told to get fat; but I know that’s no excuse, nor does it have anything to do with gaining weight. I just don’t know, I just feel like a failure when I compare myself with my friends and see how well they’re doing in school. I know a lot of it is basically my fault, but the stuff that goes on at home doesn’t help out at all. When I see my friends complain about not getting A’s or being so close to that A, it makes me smile and frown all at once. Smile - because I’m happy that they never settle for less, but frown because I wish I could be saying that too. I wish I could be in their shoes for at least a day and see what it’s like to say that. I know I’m getting a little dramatic here, but I’d kill for an A. Heck, I’d kill for a B. I don’t know, I just feel really lousy when you guys are off talking about things I don’t even understand. Not only that, but it makes me feel so left out too when people ask me about things for class/homework and they find out I’m not taking the class. “Oh, really?! I thought you were smart!”

i thought so too.

Anyways. That was just the start of my day, and now on with the rest.

Until our performance at the Band’s Benefit Concert, I was doing pretty good. But after our performance, I got into a really annoyed mood. Not only after that, but before our performance too. The warm-up room, or whatever room we were staying in was so annoying. I hated how whenever people were told to be quiet, they’d only stay quiet for two seconds and continue talking again. It felt like the room was getting louder and louder. That pretty much just gave me a headache. And that’s not the only thing. Right before we were going to perform, someone came up to me. I just don’t know. You can be really cool and all, and I’m glad we’re getting close again, but seriously - why get annoyed with me when you try talking to me when I’m listening to someone else who I started talking to first. That’s pretty damn selfish of you. Don’t think this the wrong way, I love you and all - but cmon now. You wouldn’t like it if someone did that to you, I KNOW you wouldn’t. You need to grow up. Oh, and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you in the first place. I think it’s so annoying how you already assume things, get annoyed/disappointed - whatever, and already block out what other’s say before they could explain themselves. If you’re reading, I’m sorry I sound like a bitch, I honestly am - but I’ve just had a really bad day. Anyways, let me explain myself. I just didn’t want to tell you because I thought you guys were cool in the first place and I didn’t want to start any drama. I didn’t think you’d hear about it and at least I didn’t try to get her the spot back, am I right? Idk, I seriously don’t. I want to be mad, but I don’t.

Another thing with someone else, is basically the same deal. Grow up and stop assuming things so quickly. I’m gonna say it straight out. Aaron - I wasn’t going to ditch you in the first place. When Angel, Rachel, and me had planned to host Bonita; it was before we decided to be “Hosting Buddies.” I just think it’s stupid how you’re so obsessed with wanting to meet new people just because they’re good. Okay, I may have sounded like a hypocrite just then, but who gives a fuck. And if you read this, talk to me. I know you’re going to be annoyed. But honestly, just grow up. I am this close to just blowing up in your face. I’m glad we’ve been getting closer, but sometimes you can just be a little too much. I don’t know, I try to be nice but you just make it so hard. Whatever, we’ll see by tomorrow.

One last thing.

This is probably what got me the most. It’s nothing I have to say that’s mean, nor am I asking for pity, but it’s about my mom. Lately she hasn’t been up to par with her health and everything and still suffers from her depression. The fact that she goes up north every other week and back down here, I don’t get to see her as often. It honestly scares me everytime she gets on a plane because she’s by herself. I know she’s used to it by now but I can’t help it. Not only that, but when she called me today after school, she told me she wasn’t feeling well. She went to the Emergency room because she was really sick - and I probably know why. When she’s up in Sacramento, she doesn’t eat as much as she should because she’s saving her money to keep the house up and running. I know it’d be easier if we just moved back home to where we used to live, but the thing is I don’t want to. I can’t imagine myself without the BC’s. Yeah. Back to my mom. When we talked over the phone, she didn’t sound good either. She told me that her doctor had said there might have been a problem with one of her organs - I forgot which one - and said that there may have been some sort of infection. The main cause was probably from all the medications she takes. It makes me cry everytime I see her having to remember to take her pills at staggered times. She probably takes about twelve pills every two days. The side-effects scare me, and since she doesn’t eat when she should, the medications probably don’t function as intended to. She thinks the medications have been the problem because on one of them she thinks she’s allergic to. It just scared me when she said that her organ was either infected, or it may have had a risk of having some sort of cancer. She said that if that organ had cancer, she wouldn’t make it. If that part of her had cancer, there wouldn’t be anything they could do. They said it was an incurable type.

When I heard that, I felt like I was lost. I know me and my mom sometimes don’t agree on a lot of things, but she’s helped out so much. I know a lot of people say this, but my mom and dad have sacrificed so much for us. They worked so hard and it just makes me feel like such a failure that I have to hide my grades from them. I can’t take this anymore. This is all just too much. I think I need to be more open with myself, I can’t keep bottling myself up like this. I don’t know.

I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.

are like, so screwed up.

whatever, lol. i should be sleeping,
so thats what im gonna do soon.

night all <3

I wanna step outside and see if I can get swept away by the wind.

8) !

sucked ass. Seriously, I think it was one of the worst days of my life.

Sounds kind of dramatic, but if you’ve been moping around for most of the day, wouldn’t you think so? I still can’t get over it, and it’s been bothering me ever since. I didn’t realize how much trouble I have probably put you through, but I guess it’s too late to say that. I’m not saying this is the end, of course not. No fucking way this is the end. I just want to think of this as another of our little bumps in the road. Just like how you stated on my birthday poster, ‘Now that we’re turning sixteen, or well you are, it just means a bunch more obstacles in the teenage life to overcome and for sure we’re gonna face them together.’

So yeah. I’ll promise to stop being such a baby and fucking suck it up.

and you know what, I’m tired of trying to be oblivious with whomever we talk to on tumblr, so Arianne - I too just want you to know I love you; and we’re just going to have to face this together. Alright? :] <3

Love you best & night all ~

This week has been pretty hectic. Practices pretty much everyday for at least two hours or so - something like that, idk, can get annoying. I know it’s to help us of course, duh, butttt yeah. It’s all good though, we’re gonna place first right you guys? Hahah, yeeeah.

Wow, I’m totally brain dead right now. I can’t think of anything to write.

Shit you know what, I feel the starting stages of losing my voice or at least getting a sore throat. I’m drinking all this shit just so my voice won’t die for tomorrow, so don’t expect me to talk much before competition. Hah, I’d like to not talk for the whole day until it was time to perform, but who knows if I’d be warmed up for my solo or anything? Lol dude that’d be pretty fkkn funny - AH IDK. Seriously, it’s pissing me off how I’m just typing and not thinking of what I’m saying. Watch, if I were to go back and read this I wouldn’t understand what I was trying to make a point out of… Dude I feel like I’m a fob right now or something.

MY ENGRISH IS DYING.

Maybe I’m just tired. Eh, whatever. I’m gonna go drink some tea and go to bed. Night all.

I haven’t posted for a while, and since I have nothing better to do I thought I should post at least something.

Idk what to say though, haha. All I can say is that friday’s competition was fun. Yep.

I’ll post something else later, my mind’s blank. -__-

You guys need to seriously grow up. Our first competition is on FRIDAY, and you guys are complaining that she’s being bitchy? If I were her I wouldn’t be able to contain myself the way I can tell she is. I know I too have been one of the problems, but now it’s just getting out of hand.

Seriously, you guys have NO right to be complaining about her attitude. Ugh, and I can’t believe how you guys can give her those looks when you’re standing in front of the mirror. Are you fucking kidding me? God I just want to slap you. fuuuck.

Can’t wait to see your guys’ faces on friday. :]