Ooof, your face. I like that~

Reflection.

Saturday night I had a nightmare that changed the mood of what I thought would be a great week. I had a dream that I was driving down the freeway with my dad in the passenger seat and suddenly my car began to overheat. I remember seeing the meter was way past the red line of how hot my car would be able to sustain and eventually my car blew up. My car exploded into a million pieces and along with me I flew into mid-air - just the upper half of my body. But before I landed on the concrete I woke up with that overwhelming built up anxiety in my chest. As I sat up in my bed I broke out into tears - never have I ever felt something so real nor seen anything so intense.

I went back to sleep and woke up later on still remembering how vivid that dream was. So… I looked up possible meanings from what I could remember and this is what came up;

accident:
- to dream of an accident is a warning to avoid any mode of travel for a short period, as you are threatened with loss of life.
- to dream of an accident, signifies pent-up guilt in which you are sub-consciously punishing yourself over.

explosion:
- to dream of explosions, portends that disapproving actions of those connected with you will cause you transient displeasure and loss, and that business will also displease you.

wreck(accident said, “also see wreck”): 
- represents obstacles and barriers toward your goals.

And that’s it. At first, it took me a while to really analyze what my dream could have meant. When I first thought about it, the only thing I could think about was how scared I was to drive around the whole day. I was paranoid and cautious about every turn I made when I drove that day. But when I really thought about my dream… And why my dad was in the passenger seat - it all made sense.

That pent-up guilt is about my dad. I’ve always felt guilty about not telling my dad what or who I really was; about my sexuality. All this time he was the only one in my family that didn’t know and I know I’ve always felt guilty about it. It wasn’t until later that night after practice that some of 220 went out to go eat and somehow talk of coming out to your parents came up in the conversation. My friend had actually recently came out two weeks ago and he told us about his experience. It enlightened me and made me think about doing the same thing - but brought a sense of fear like no other.

It may be dramatic to hear but if you knew my dad, he would. If I were to ever tell my dad he would probably kick me out of the house. Even if I had my mom’s support, there wouldn’t be much she could do if my dad decided to do something like that. A recent deep talk I had with a friend really made me think about what to do. I just need time to reassure myself if right now would be a good time. And another necessity would definitely be support.

But as of now, I plan on telling my dad some time within the next two weeks. I have no idea how he’ll react but… I can only hope for the best but prepare myself for the worst.

Wish me luck~ :/

Fasting is so hard…

Haha no it’s not for religious purposes but my mom’s gonna run a blood test cause I’ve been feeling these weird pains on my skin. I told her about it and she thinks it’s stress, but she wants to take a blood test just to be safe.

Yeah. I don’t know, I guess this is just another eye-opener to be thankful for even having food. It’s not an every day thing we don’t get to eat, you know? Hah. Who would’ve thought a simple thing like this would make me feel such a way. Bleh, am I making sense? 

I’m kinda scared though. The pain on my skin is something I can’t even describe. It’s like… Itchy with a burning feel to it. And it aches - kinda. I hope it isn’t anything too serious. :/

… K bye~

“If you woke up tomorrow and didn’t have the ability to dance, how would it affect you?”

Something to keep in mind, most definitely. 

Tomorrow is never promised.

It annoys the hell out of me…

When people on tumblr say stuff like, “People hit on me way more on the internet than in real life. Makes me feel so much more insecure about myself.”

… Bitch, seriously?

First of all, it’s the internet - People have more balls. Second, at least people are hitting on you. I’m sure there are some forever aloners out there that come home to empty inboxes all the time. Lollll~

And third - just shut up. Really? You have the nerve to say something like that when you go on tumblr and post borderline naked pictures of yourself, holding your balls/covering your you-know-what and laying on bed? What the fuck is that? Insecure my ass… You camera whore and have more pictures of yourself on your tumblr than a top model would have on their portfolio. Actually that’s a bad comparison cause at least some models have class. You? Well you’re just a whore.

People these days, I swear. You disgust me. Only saying shit just to get attention. Pathetic.

End of rant. Oh yeah, unfollowed your flat ass, too. Teehee motherfucker~ c:

I forgot what it was like…

To develop feelings… Or at least something towards someone.

It’s been a while and I forgot about all the little giggles you get when you talk to a friend about it. Or even sometimes the small butterflies you get. Corny as it sounds, the little things like this are what makes the experience ten times better. Hah whatever. And sneaking little glances at them are always the best. Lol omg that sounds so creepy.

Eh. Well. I don’t know what else to say… Lol k bye :3

30 Day Challenge

11. Your top three favorite bands.

Paramore, Florence and The Machine, and 2ne1.

lolll~ :3

You know what irks me the most?

When friends that are in relationships end up falling out of their social life. They become so involved with their partner and they somehow lose contact with their friends. 

Then that phase that everyone goes through comes up, trying to get a hold of said friend and make plans to catch up. “Omg I miss you! We need to hang out soon!”. Sometimes plans go through and everything goes back to normal, but that isn’t always the case. Sometimes plans get cancelled and the constant chase to catch up continues until someone gives up.

It’s really upsetting - especially if you were friends with them for so long. You were with them for everything and for them to just disappear like that… And it sucks because you know you want to be happy for them, but you can’t help but feel somewhat jealous. I hate to say this but what happens when the relationship is over? They always come running back.

You just need to find that balance. Give yourself time away from your partner, not only will your friends appreciate it but it will make your relationship ten times stronger.

For “Distance makes the heart grow fonder”.

30 Day Challenge

10. Talk about your pets, or pets you would like to have.

I don’t have any pets ;__; But I would love to have a Boston Terrier~ <3